serina_ds: (Default)
Question:

They Really Like Me!
How important are the opinions of other people to you? Do you actively try to find out what others think of you? Whose opinion do you value the most?


John Donne once said:

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

This rings for me, true down to the heart. It doesn't mean that the opinions of every person is important, but treating others with compassion and kindness and generosity is.

The people whom I love the most are those whose opinions I tend to trust totally and utterly. They've proven, time and time again, that they want me to be happy and healthy. I want to be my best self, my most ethical, genuine, compassionate, thoughtful, curious self. They help me to make that possible, they encourage me to keep improving and changing and seeking, whilst also making it clear that they support me and love me. These are my Tribe, my people, my family. They make me want to gift them with the best self I can be, because they deserve that for all the love and joy they bring to my life. So for me, their good opinions are paramount.

For the rest of the world, however...

I am sufficiently non-mainstream that if I cared too deeply about what the world thought of me, it would merely make me desperately unhappy in the long run. So I don't. I treat people compassionately because that is a good thing to do, but if they have negative opinions of me, that doesn't matter. I'm not delusional enough about myself to believe that people thinking bad of me is not hurtful, but it's a shallow, temporary hurt. We are after all, as Donne says, connected to one another. It's so fleeting a hurt, and often from a place of ignorance or fear or confusion or misunderstanding, however, that it doesn't touch me inside. It doesn't impact the heart of me the way that a negative opinion from someone I loved would, so I don't seek to redress or clarify it the way that I would if I cared more.
serina_ds: (Default)
Question:

When I grow up
Do you think your parents made any major mistakes in how they raised you? If so, how did it affect you?


I can't really think of any major mistakes my parents made - either in raising me or my two siblings. We're an incredibly close family, and even my little brother (once he got out of those dreaded 'early' years) turned out to be rather charming and engaging for his age. Mind you, he only 15 - there's still time!

But for me...well, I think I'm one of the most mentally and emotionally stable people I know. I happened to fall into a reasonably healthy lifestyle. I'm sensible with my money. I always remember birthdays. And I'm happy, stress-free, and have decent fashion sense (thanks mum!).

I didn't even get worried when I came out to my mum as bisexual and polyamorous. As I had expected, she just totally supported me, no attempts to dissuade me or tell me I was 'wrong' at all.

I have the most wonderful parents. What more could a girl want?
serina_ds: (Default)
Question:

Family planning
If you wanted to have children and had trouble conceiving, would you be more likely to consider IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, and why?


Even the very thought of having sproglings is currently making my womb contract in terror. Can I have another few boyfriends instead, please? Oh, and maybe I'd give all my money to charity. Tada: No time or money left, same effect as having a mini-me. Job done.

In an odd mood right now.

Yay for knitting!
serina_ds: (Default)
Question:

Go it alone
Do you think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children? Do you think this ostracizes people who would be perfectly content to remain single and/or child-free? Is this pressure worse around the holidays?


Yes, there are certain groups in society which put pressure on single/childless people (particularly women) to get boyfriends/married/pregnant, but individually, it mostly depends on what people you choose to listen to. I already have 3 boyfriends and another 2 regular lovers (yes, they do all know about each other - some of them are even dating each other!). I don't feel any lack of a husband in that mix. And why would I feel the need to have children? I'm perfectly happy without them, and I think I can bring better things into the world than another set of genes. Those who are desperate to see others married and with children are just needing the people around them to confirm that their world view is somehow more 'correct' than everyone else's. Stop pandering to their whims.

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