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Writer's Block: FWB
Jul. 22nd, 2011 11:09 amQuestion:
FWB
Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?
I've spotted a lot of answers about how it's 'inevitable' that someone will want more, or it would ruin a good friendship, or it's not safe (from a sexual health pov), or that it's somehow 'not as good as a proper relationship'.
Yes, I guess all these are possible - if you're doing casual sex and not FWB. I make a distinction between the two - one is a one-off, one night stand with someone you will likely never meet again, whilst the other is affectionate non-relationship sex. With casual sex, most of those issues (other than sexual health) won't be an issue at all.
The 'friends' bit is more important to me than the 'benefits' bit, but I don't see why you can't have both if the fancy strikes. I trust them to have good sexual health, and regular tests, and to let me know if something turns up. If I didn't trust them, I wouldn't be friends with them. I do care about my friends but if I wanted a relationship with them, I would have told them that. Just because I sleep with someone doesn't make me more likely to want a relationship with them. It's their personality, rather than their body, which would encourage an emotional connection with them.
In fact, if anything, most of these issues are a bonus for me - I will never end up in a relationship where I am totally emotionally and mentally incompatible with my partner just because I really really fancied their body, and society tells me that I need to be in a relationship in order to sleep with them. Once I get any sexual chemistry out of the way and sated for a while, I can see their personality without the haze of lust, and be able to tell if I would be happy in a relationship with them. If not, well, we're still friends. No harm done.
Oh and if just sex with someone is the thing that makes you feel like you've fallen in love, not the endless chats and the nights watching DVDs together and the messages that make you smile.......you're in lust.
FWB
Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?
I've spotted a lot of answers about how it's 'inevitable' that someone will want more, or it would ruin a good friendship, or it's not safe (from a sexual health pov), or that it's somehow 'not as good as a proper relationship'.
Yes, I guess all these are possible - if you're doing casual sex and not FWB. I make a distinction between the two - one is a one-off, one night stand with someone you will likely never meet again, whilst the other is affectionate non-relationship sex. With casual sex, most of those issues (other than sexual health) won't be an issue at all.
The 'friends' bit is more important to me than the 'benefits' bit, but I don't see why you can't have both if the fancy strikes. I trust them to have good sexual health, and regular tests, and to let me know if something turns up. If I didn't trust them, I wouldn't be friends with them. I do care about my friends but if I wanted a relationship with them, I would have told them that. Just because I sleep with someone doesn't make me more likely to want a relationship with them. It's their personality, rather than their body, which would encourage an emotional connection with them.
In fact, if anything, most of these issues are a bonus for me - I will never end up in a relationship where I am totally emotionally and mentally incompatible with my partner just because I really really fancied their body, and society tells me that I need to be in a relationship in order to sleep with them. Once I get any sexual chemistry out of the way and sated for a while, I can see their personality without the haze of lust, and be able to tell if I would be happy in a relationship with them. If not, well, we're still friends. No harm done.
Oh and if just sex with someone is the thing that makes you feel like you've fallen in love, not the endless chats and the nights watching DVDs together and the messages that make you smile.......you're in lust.
